Where to start, like all of the others I have read (and yes, I read *all* of them). Start at the beginning. I had my first inkling of what a lesbian was when I was in grade school. I had experiences with a girl in 6th grade. I knew what a lesbian was then as my family had and has several gay friends. That continued until she went to camp after school. I went to visit and learned what homophobia was the hard way. I was devastated, and am realizing that I have internalized that ever since. I had several relationships with girls in middle school. All sexual and not much else. Then I got to high school and had my first real relationship with a wonderful girl who made me feel like it was ok to be a lesbian. But I still couldn't get past the social pressure to be straight. So I hooked up with a guy I stayed with for 9 years. He knew and was ok with my being bisexual - which was what I told everyone. Then came college and I had more real relationships with other women and felt true to myself. Then I got out of college and I still couldn't just be true to me and who I am. I have been living with being bull shit for a *long* time, but I know in my heart of hearts that that is just not the truth. I am a lesbian. I have know it since I was 8 years old. Coming out to the rest of the world is easy, it is coming out to myself and living as a lesbian that is hard. It is all wrapped up in my self-esteem. I am realizing that I just need to be me. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who is very aware of my leanings. I do love him very much, which is why I have to be honest with him, and me. I am worth being honest with myself. I am a lesbian.