I'm 23, and I've always been celibate. I did have a boyfriend for a few short months at one point, but we only shared one date and one kiss, never anything more. I've gotten used to thinking of myself as asexual, even though I've been writing lesbian love poetry for a few years. I wrote heterosexual love poetry though, too, so I thought I was only exploring a different perspective.

Recently, I've noticed that there are women I think are attractive, even though I've never understood the fuss over "cute" guys. I need someone to explain why someone is cute to me, but I understand when other people say a woman is beautiful. I'm scared, and not sure what to do.

My mother told me a few years ago that she could never stand it if one of her children turned out to be gay. I think it was a pre-emptive strike, since I've said since I was ten that I don't want marriage or children, I just want to write. There's no way I could admit this to her.

My father is very conservative, and my brother and sister are aggressively heterosexual. I don't know how they would react if I told them, but I fear it would be badly.

And even if it's true that I have these feelings, I don't know that I could ever act on them. I have what you might call severe intimacy problems, and I freeze up whenever someone else touches me, even accidentally.

I'm confused.