Could I tell them? Never... They'd never understand.. It's weird.. What's wrong wit me... How do I go about this... It was so weird.... Shit I'm scared.

Those were some of the thoughts floating around in my head when I pulled Sammi (one of my best mates) aside to tell her one of the strangest things that have ever left my mouth. I had been having doubts for, oh God knows, so long. Like, SO long. I'd always been very open about talking about things, like everything from my political opinion on something, what I thought of some tossa teacher to masturbation (the girls in my school call it baking so that the boys won't know, hehehe). But, after an encounter with a total stranger in a public place, I decided enough was enough and my friends had a right to know. Surely if they were real friends they'd be alright with it and love me for who I am? So I told her. She smiled, gave me a hug, said we'd chat at lunchtime and was completely and totally cool. She's awesome that girl. Another of my friends told me she was proud of me for being so brave, and most of the blokes asked me to take photos or how hot did I think so-and-so was the other night.

But I suppose there's always the hard one... My best mate doesn't go to my school, and lately we've been a little more distant from each other (she's in love with this guy and her momma doesn't know... she has very little time for her friends) I still haven't told her. She still doesn't know. She knows EVERYTHING else. But I feel disgusted, almost dirty when I'm around her and it's only getting worse. I've tried to organize to see her so it'd just be she and I, but every time I try it she blows me off to spend time with that stupid boyfriend. What do I do? How do I tell her? I'm going to keep trying, but I'm so sick of being ditched for her boy. He's a nice guy and everything, but a sucky boyfriend and it shits me that when I've got something important to say she's too busy with him. All my other friends keep encouraging me to tell her, and not to worry she'll be fine with it... But she's quite homophobic. Well actually halfish, she's cool wit gay men she thinks they're all really cute, but lesbians, well... Her words I believe were "it's just wrong, how the fuck do they fuck?" Hehehehe, I suppose I'll show her this site : )

I haven't told my family, and I don't intend to for a long, long time. Like I'd prefer to have moved out beforehand so that I don't have to deal with too many uncomfortable situations. My whole school knows, though, and my little brother goes to my school so we'll see how that goes. Like many of you, my family is very homophobic. My cousin came out last year (though it was already bloody obvious, she is living with her girlfriend who is an absolute champ) and was completely disowned for quite a while. It's a bit better now, and I've become quite good friends with her (though she doesn't know yet, either) and I've helped the situation out a bit. The real clincher, though, is that my mother died a couple of years ago... I was having serious doubts a little before she died, but at that time all I was focused on was her. My mother was so homophobic I doubt she'd have problems with gay bashings.

So, unless you go to my school or are anything but my best friend or family, you can know. I can tell you. But if you are my family or best mate, my question for you is "Can I Tell You?"

P.S. I'm fifteen, luv this site, and I'll update you all on the progression of my coming out.