I am 37 years old and I came out only 1 year ago. I have always known, or at least since I was 9 years old when I saw a woman nude for the first time, that I was truly attracted to women. But, I was raised in a strict Catholic family by very conservative parents and have always had a difficult time with self esteem. I was also sexually abused as a child which I'm sure did not help my ability to come into my own person. I wanted my parents approval; I wanted to be accepted in society. I went through a number of years drinking and drugging my way through life. During that time I would experiment with women. But after I entered into recovery for my addictions I decided to hide that part of myself. I married my high school boy friend and was married for 3 years. Although he is a wonderful person, I never felt that way about him that I felt about women. We divorced, and 2 years later I moved in with another man who I eventually married. I continued to struggle with trying to hide my "dark secret" and lived in shame for another 7 years. That marriage became emotionally and mentally abusive, adding to my guilt and shame. Somehow though I continued to pray that God would help me figure out who I am supposed to be. I continued my journey through recovery. And after 7 years found the courage to admit to myself that I am in fact a lesbian. I left that marriage 1 year ago. I found a wonderful therapist to help me through the entire process of leaving an abusive marriage and coming out and into my own. I was finally able to tell a woman whom I'd loved for many years that I was a lesbian. She too had only come out a few years before. We have been together for 8 months now and I have never been happier, more in love, or more complete in my life. I am still working on the shame issue as it's so difficult to shed in our society. Especially since I now work for the Catholic Church. I love my job, but there are moments when it's very difficult for me to fight the shame that the church so often reinforces. I hope to continue my education and eventually leave this job and move on to a career where I can be completely out and free. My family had a rough time with the news, but is slowly beginning to find peace with the fact that I am still their daughter, only now I am truly happy. And so are they for me. Their support has meant the world to me. I feel like my life is just beginning and I am filled the all the hope and excitement of a child! I am proud to be a lesbian and proud to be me!