My story ... I started to come out after I was questioned by a friend who confronted me, I denied it. My friend, was a vain selfish type with a touch a drama-queen. Her responses did not know how to handle my repressed identity though she suspected because I would do anything for her. Despite that, coming out was not the only issue of my life. I was also physically and emotionally abused to by my mother since I was born until 16 (when my parents divorced). My once friend, did not know when to tell me to stop giving to her and she took all I could give, until I realized, after 2 years, I was getting tired of all her wants etc., I do not think I had a crush on her, I do believe I was grabbing onto anyone who would give me attention (due to my abuse I felt worthless and had no value) therefore, I had feed a vicious cycle of getting her attention by giving all I had and she abusing or exploiting my giving. For me, I did not know when to stop giving to her because if I stopped that would be I would be de-valued and the issues of abandonment would emerge. So my issues seem sort of clear, I am closet lesbian who was abused. Therefore, all issues get intertwined with everything else. What can I say, trying to find the connecting and overlapping lines back to the source has been a 30 year work for me. Still working on it.

Shortly after my friend asked me about my sexual orientation, I told her things would be different from now on because she knows but it shouldn't of been, I think I was so naive and lost. But the issues was that I also did not want to spend my entire energy on my friend who wanted so much. What had happened was hell, she stabbed me in the back and if not added spices and nices to circumstances that did not occur. Well, it was after a year when the once circle of friends realized she was but a drama queen, so it was the end of that story.

I had a very difficult time coming out and the above first version was a failed attempt.

My second attempt was even worse, a bi-sexual circle of friends started to hit on me. I was stupid not to of known, anyhow, due to my lower sense of self value I grabbed onto anything that came by way (that is so sad). I had a very short relationship with her, but what was interesting about this relationship? When she asked me about my sexual orientation, I was comfortable to tell her that I knew since I was two. Anyhow we broke up shortly after because I realized she just wanted to have fun while having two other people in her life and a lot of infatuations.

The age of my 28th and 29th years as a human being, I tried to tell most of my close friend my sexual orientation, thus far, most seem to be all right with it, and some already knew without me telling and said "so what else is new". That was a relief! I recently told my close aunt, she cried for me and said there was nothing wrong and still loves me. As for my siblings, they are Asian conservatives, I have not obtained the courage to tell me, and I do not plan to in the short term and maybe long term.

After coming out to a limited population of friends and one family member, it has provided me channel of light through my life's dark path. It has lifted a heavy burden from me (as to who I am), my confidence still needs working but has improved. I think I have a lot more trauma issues vs. sexual orientation issues overall.

I am very interested to meet more lesbians in a mature environment (I live in Hong Kong) not much out here except for bars).

This is a condense version of my story. I am a very bad writer. But I hope my story makes sense and not all muttled up.

To those out there who are trying hard to get out, take it a step at a time. No rush, we ought to proud to be who we are.

Thank you for reading, listening and sharing.