QUESTION: My girl friend of 4 years has just broken up with me. We live together. She just started school. She tried to break up with me about a year ago and we tried to work things out. Now for the second time she is going through many changes as am I and she doesn't want to try anymore. I do not fulfill her needs. We were rather co-dependent and we are aware of that. She wants to move on. She said she would move out. She can't even afford food and her books now. Both of which I am taking care of for her. I told her I want her to move into the office. I want her to stay. My plan is to give her the space and time she asks for the next 60 days. I will work on my issues see a therapist show her I can be what she needs and I want to write and sing her a song to win her back. I would do this on November 1st, what would have been our 4 year anniversary.

Is this wise. What should I do.

~ Hopelessly In Love

ANSWER: First, allow yourself to cry. What you are going through is very painful. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Grief allows us time and strength to let go.

No matter what you may plan, no matter how busy you keep yourself in an attempt to fulfill her needs, you cannot change how she feels. It is time you focus on yourself and your own needs.

Contact a therapist or local support group to help you through this time. Pain brings growth and this is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

Good luck and let me know how you're doing.