For many years, bisexual women have insisted that they face strong biases and discrimination from the women in the lesbian community. Some bisexual women are emphatic that the discrimination they face from lesbians is more vocal and heated than what they face from heterosexual society.

A woman who has been doing some introspection on her own sexuality posted in the Lesbian Life forum, "...I wouldn't have to worry about lesbians calling me a traitor or a fence-sitter and other such garbage, or otherwise rejecting me based on my sexual orientation..." when discussing the options of self-labeling her sexuality as lesbian or bisexual.

Confirming she had experienced the same from the women in the local lesbian community, a woman posted, "...Anyway, what I encountered was: Since you're bi, when things get bad you can step back into the hetero community and blend in. -- There is also a perception of bi women *and* men as promiscuous and that they want to have their cake and eat it too..." to describe the discrimination she encountered when using the label of bisexual.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

FROM THE BISEXUAL WOMAN'S SIDE...
Many bisexual women report that some lesbians have refused to consider them as potential partners simply because they do not identify as lesbian. In fact, the Lesbian Life poll on the question of a lesbian Bias indicates there is a considerable percentage of lesbians who either will not date, or will not become seriously involved with, a woman who identifies as bisexual.

Most bisexual women report that at least one time they have been accused of being a fence sitter -- someone who will maintain or create a relationship with a man to avoid rejection and discrimination from society, family and friends. Frankly, I do not believe one must identify as bisexual in order to hide from the hate and discrimination we can sometimes face from society.

Why do we expect everyone to be capable of standing-up against the atrocities that are perpetrated against us? The fact that so many of us do persevere is a powerful incentive to move forward. But in conquering our own fear, it is easy to forget that not all of us are so strong, or so able -- not to mention that not every city/town is a safe place in which to come out. Perhaps we need to remind ourselves to be gentle in our judgments of each other.

There is also a perception that bisexual women are more promiscuous than lesbians or straight women, or that it is permissible to use them as sex-toys. The label is really only about a personal sexual identity, not a behavior. It is a little embarrassing to consider that lesbians would accept this stereotyping while at the same time we fight against all of the stereotypes used against us. The reality is that some people are promiscuous, and some of those promiscuous women self-identify as bisexual women. Some promiscuous women self-identify as lesbians as well.

Further along in the forum thread, a number of women who identify themselves as bisexual women stated that although drawn to women sexually and emotionally, they would sometimes feel a sexual stirring for a particular type of male. This rare feeling, upon which none had ever acted, was the reason they used the label of bisexual woman rather than lesbian.

Frankly, using this definition for bisexuality has me questioning if we are all using the labels of sexual orientation with the same definitions. The definition these women are using is that a lesbian is someone who can only engage in sex with women. And although lesbians do have sex with women, it needs to be understood that being a lesbian is more than just sexual activity. The issue is about an emotional bonding -- in the case of lesbians, it is not about rejecting men -- it is about the ability and desire to bond in loving relationships with women.

I cannot help but wonder if perhaps the misunderstanding accounts for the impression that some women identify themselves as bisexual while they are becoming comfortable with the discovery that they are lesbians. Perhaps this issue is really just misunderstanding and miscommunication at its core.

Perhaps all of these issues are about assumptions and misinformation. Perhaps it is time we opened the lines of communication instead of accepting stereotypes and biases against individuals.

Until next time...