Happy Holidays! We begin to hear it from everyone around mid-November and well into the new year. We see it everywhere -- and why not? The last couple of months of the year are stuffed with more religious celebrations than types of dressing used in a Thanksgiving turkey. Ramadan, Rohatsu, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Chanukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa are just a tip of the iceberg! 

For those of us who have families who accept and respect our relationships, the holidays are celebrations of togetherness, love and joy. We might find ourselves a bit frazzled from keeping up with the festivities, but the stress we experience is no different than what most people experience. Perhaps a little too much imbibing by Uncle Bob and dinner may have begun late due to a few miscalculations, but for the most part, it is a joyous time of sharing and love.

Sadly, those experiences are not for all lesbians. Some of us, when coming out to our families, were completely abandoned and banned from their sight. The complete and total rejection from those who have sworn to love us unconditionally is heart wrenching. And though we eventually dry our tears and profess it is behind us, the pain never completely goes away. The birthday or holiday brings up fond memories that tear at our hearts, even as we force ourselves to turn our minds away.

Not all of us have been thrown from our homes, rejected for whom we love. But there are different levels of rejection -- all that cause us pain.

Some of us moved far away from family members rather than come out to them. Hearing family members express intolerance toward strangers taught us that there was no benefit to coming out. So we closed that part of ourselves off from them and moved far enough that they would be unaware of anything happening in our lives that we did not tell them. We all know that what remains are a shell of a relationship -- but it is less painful than complete abandonment and rejection.

Then there are some of us who have come out to our families, and though we are not rejected, we are not accepted either. Reactions can fall anywhere between refusal to acknowledge the information to horribly abusive comments whenever we visit. And since many have experienced some or all of these reactions, we also know this behavior can also be exhibited while family members are coming to terms with our news; and so we never know how to react.

For those of us who cannot or will not spend the holidays with our families, there are other options -- none that include sitting at home alone and feeling miserable. With so many lesbians [and gay men - it is the holidays -- Be generous] who are alone, gather together for a celebration of your own. 365 days of the year we are family to each other, so extend it to the rich memories and traditions of your own past holidays.

If you are not up for celebrations, consider donating some time to your local food bank or mission. There is a certain amount of joy in giving -- and giving to those who have fallen on hard times can restore your sense of spirit and humanity.

No matter how hard the feelings and emotions become on the holidays, reach out to someone. Even if you do not need them, they might need you. If you do not have family, together you can build a family. There are many of us who have and will build families upon whom we can safely depend. And the family you build will be stronger and more loving than the one you had to leave behind.

So be good to yourself, and remember... Happy Holidays... Or not.

Until next time...