Although not all lesbians are in committed relationships, many of us are. As you are probably aware we do not have the same legal protections as married couples. So what do you do?

To live with somebody without taking steps to protect each other legally is an error. While we all expect to live forever, and for our relationship to last forever, life doesn't always work out that way, and it is not that difficult to take a few steps to make the future a little easier should the worst happen.

One important item that everybody should have is a Living Together Agreement.

If you were a man and a woman, and married, and chose to divorce, there are laws that dictate how your assets and liabilities will be divided. But when you are not in a recognized marriage, there's no set of rules waiting for you - and it may cost you years and way too much money to divide what you have gathered together.

The time to decide how you are going to split things up isn't when you are hurting about the end of the relationship, but when you are happy and in love, and are most likely to be mentally positioned to want to be fair with each other.

A simple, written statement, signed by both of you should do it. Decide in advance how you'll make decisions about those things you do not plan for in the agreement or won't be able to agree about. I'd suggest staying away from lists stating, "This is mine, that's yours" but rather state methods by which to divide the items you own.

Things to think about include:

• Is it important that one of you contributes more income to the relationship?
• If one of you owns the residence you are living in, but you are both contributing to the payments and upkeep, how will the non-owner be compensated in a break-up?
• Do you have a way to determine what each of you brought into the relationship? Do you get all that "back?" (If you both had a refrigerator and you gave the "extra" one away, how do you decide who gets the fridge and how the other person is "compensated?")
• Are the things that you buy together "both of yours" or are some yours and other theirs?

Then, because every area is different, find an attorney who will review your agreement, and ask them whether it will be considered binding by a court should you split and disagree over how (then) to divide your assets.

Speaking of wills, do you have one?

In most states if you do not, your family is going to get everything you have. Do you have friends who should get your car? A lover who should get your house? Somebody special who should get your artwork? Again, rules vary from state to state, but you need to have a will to ensure that if something happens to you, what you own is passed on to those you want to get it.

Last year a friend who was half of a couple passed away after a long illness. Immediately his relatives swooped into the house he had shared with his partner and started taking things they were "sure he would have wanted them to have." Except that he did not want them to have any of it. There were things he wanted to go to friends, and other things he wanted to go to his partner. He certainly did not want his partner evicted from the home they had shared together.

Do not let this happen. None of us plan to die, but each of us could walk out onto the street and be hit by a car. It happens.

Draft a will that is proper for where you live. Many bookstores carry Do it yourself books that will assist you in this process. There is also shareware on the net that will help you. If your situation is complicated and/or you just want to make sure (because you know that Aunt Hilda will make a fuss) have an attorney review what you have created and/or have an attorney draft the will for you.

Or, what if you are merely ill, incapacitated? Who do you trust to make medical decisions for you? Does your household need your paycheck? Do you have a document that dictates who makes those decisions or who can undertake business transactions (such as endorsing a check) on your behalf if you are not able to do so?

Even if your family wouldn't dispute the right of your chosen representative to undertake those responsibilities (and are you sure they wouldn't?) hospitals and banks are going to need something official to protect them for allowing somebody other than yourself to make those decisions and sign documents on your behalf.

Again, speak to an attorney and find out what forms or documents you need to sign to make sure that everything happens the way you want it to happen, and decisions are made by the person you want to have make those decisions.

Do you already have any of these agreements or documents? Share with us how you handled creating these agreements, or why you decided not to do so.

Until next time...